Vidjama Gmaes Work

It gave me a UTI.

For legal reasons I can’t prove that getting railed by the polycule trio in Spirit Swap is what gave me a UTI, but I can say that shortly after all three members of the group took turns using me as a mechanical bull in-game that I developed a UTI in real life after managing 35 years without developing one. And that’s kinda convenient timing if you don’t think about the logic of it.

I am of course talking about Spirit Swap: Lofi Beats To Match-3 To. It’s a new match 3 game from the folks at Soft Not Weak, LLC. Why am I playing a match 3 game when I’d probably overlook this genre otherwise? Is it because the characters and graphics are relentlessly horny? Probably. Is it because of all the queer themes of the game? Certainly. Because the developers are hilarious on Bluesky? 100%.

So I have something to accompany the plush frog with caked up butt cheeks? That’s completely real.

Spirit Swap is fun, and I started playing on the game’s normal mode which it calls “spicy.” The first two levels were nothing to sweat at, but then I got to level 3. The polycule. And suddenly Spirit Swap felt like I was up against three actual people playing the same board. I’d like to turn your attention to the top image on this article, where the polycule has completely stacked my ass within the first 30 seconds of the match.

I am not particularly good at match 3 games. My brain isn’t capable of looking at a moving board of gems and spotting where I can put them together to pull off sick combos. Especially not when that board is getting constantly stacked and moving at varying speeds every 5 seconds. Actually there’s probably not much of a buffer between “I can beat this” and the characters wearing me like a towel.

They are relentless, not just in effortlessly defending against whatever you throw at them but constantly pitching bricks and blocks your way. The folks at Soft Not Weak did release a patch today that toned down and balanced some of the difficulty, but I still wasn’t able to beat them on spicy. I got further than I did before the patch.

Eventually I just shifted the game to chill mode and finally beat the polycule. My ass is still sore from the encounter though.

I’m going to continue playing so I can finally get to Iksander and then dream about motorboating those massive pecs. Check out Spirit Swap on Steam.